Just another day

I guess you can say I probably am suffering inside each fucking day I’m here. I’m miserable here in Vegas . Everything about this city makes me want to just run away and never return . I used to think it could be fixed if I was happy but every time I’ve come back it’s like a knife is slowly getting stuck in my back . I hate everything about it here . It’s a shitty place to grow up and I’m glad I left . Part of me doesn’t care if I’m alone foreve because at least if I’m alone secluded from the world no one can hurt me and not being hurt or having no one to be upset with you or dissappointed in you wouldn’t be so bad . I swear things go good for a little then they then awful . My mom and I can’t stand each other I’m pretty sure . She hates every thing I like and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care about me all that much because I’m an asshole and how can u care about an asshole . My dad puts up wih me but he wouldn’t mid having another daughter like Shaina . She’s sweet and heartfelt and doesn’t make to many errors in her life this far . Me on the other hand is jus a piece of hit middle child who could go somewhere but would have to go so far away to actually do it because every time I get home my life turns inside out . I wonder what it’s be like if I wasn’t born . What’s that like . I bet people would be happy , less people would be hurt by me and I’m sure as hell believe that I wouldn’t have created so many problems in so many people’s lives . I never use this account even when I’m depressed these days but I just felt like writing . I’m laying in my bed crying like a little girl because its the only emotion I have right now which is a mixture between hating who I am and hating who they are . No one understands me and when I mean no one I mean absolutely no one In this world . Being happy is ideal but when you smoke weed almost everyday is it actuall happiness or me being delusional ? I don’t really give a shit either way I’m just pointing out that I’m a stoner and who wouldn’t be if u felt like a piece of shit all the time . I don’t know if ill ever have a decent relationship with them or not and I’m not sure if ill ever have a functional relationship with anyone but if I do congrats to me ahead of time . I’m just done with this piece of shit town I’m forced to come home and when the day comes I won’t be coming back .

Posted 1 year ago

Just another day

I guess you can say I probably am suffering inside each fucking day I’m here. I’m miserable here in Vegas . Everything about this city makes me want to just run away and never return . I used to think it could be fixed if I was happy but every time I’ve come back it’s like a knife is slowly getting stuck in my back . I hate everything about it here . It’s a shitty place to grow up and I’m glad I left . Part of me doesn’t care if I’m alone foreve because at least if I’m alone secluded from the world no one can hurt me and not being hurt or having no one to be upset with you or dissappointed in you wouldn’t be so bad . I swear things go good for a little then they then awful . My mom and I can’t stand each other I’m pretty sure . She hates every thing I like and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care about me all that much because I’m an asshole and how can u care about an asshole . My dad puts up wih me but he wouldn’t mid having another daughter like Shaina . She’s sweet and heartfelt and doesn’t make to many errors in her life this far . Me on the other hand is jus a piece of hit middle child who could go somewhere but would have to go so far away to actually do it because every time I get home my life turns inside out . I wonder what it’s be like if I wasn’t born . What’s that like . I bet people would be happy , less people would be hurt by me and I’m sure as hell believe that I wouldn’t have created so many problems in so many people’s lives . I never use this account even when I’m depressed these days but I just felt like writing . I’m laying in my bed crying like a little girl because its the only emotion I have right now which is a mixture between hating who I am and hating who they are . No one understands me and when I mean no one I mean absolutely no one In this world . Being happy is ideal but when you smoke weed almost everyday is it actuall happiness or me being delusional ? I don’t really give a shit either way I’m just pointing out that I’m a stoner and who wouldn’t be if u felt like a piece of shit all the time . I don’t know if ill ever have a decent relationship with them or not and I’m not sure if ill ever have a functional relationship with anyone but if I do congrats to me ahead of time . I’m just done with this piece of shit town I’m forced to come home and when the day comes I won’t be coming back .

Posted 1 year ago

officially worst day at chapman.

Posted 1 year ago

Feeling lonely

im happy , but im missing something in my life. lonely. 

Posted 1 year ago

people say things last

but do they really?

Posted 1 year ago

fuck it

im done being the bitcch. i done letting you weigh me down. im done. straight up hard core done. im ready to start my beginning its been a bumpy ride through the year but shit happens and your not gonna bring me down anymore. no one is. i can count who ive lost and who has stayed around, but right now im moving on forward for me. you dont mean aything. if you miss me you know why . your gonna fucking wish i gave two shits someday, but today im doing me, and you or anybody else cant stop me. i never thought my life would be so stressful at 19, but the past is just a past, its not dictating my future as of now.

Posted 1 year ago

i hate knowing that i still love you.

Posted 1 year ago